Hablamos espanol...kind of

What's in a name?  Often times you're named after a family member, I was named after my great-grandfather Stanley Matthew Tieman, or maybe your name is religious or spiritual in context like Michael.  Or maybe your name comes from a profession, Cooper, Barker, Smith, etc.  Whatever the case may be there are thousands of interesting and absurd names in the English language.  

The gauntlet was laid down several months ago by one Bill Simmons to further investigate first names and surnames, but of athletes with Spanish names translated into English.  Either in one of his columns or a podcast the old boxer Pipino Cuevas came up as a prime example of someone with a misleading name that many people probably did not understand but needed to because of the unintentional comedy of his name.  With that name in mind, and also not wanting to study right now I have compiled a list of some of the more interesting Spanish names in sports.

Without further ado, Los Galacticos de "Pipino" Cuevas!

"Pipino" Cuevas Cucumber Cave - What in the world does a cucumber cave look like?

Jose Mesa Joe Table - Clevelanders know Mr. Table's antics all too well...

Tony Bastardo Tony Bastard - Easiest one on this list to translate, also one of the funnier ones.  What a Bastard.

Fausto Carmona Lucky Song - Had to trace back to its Roman roots, but he certainly hasn't been lucky this season

Ricky Rubio Ricky Blond - He has black hair...

Fernando Valenzuela Ferdinand Little Strength - Less imposing than a boxer named Cucumber?  A Pitcher named Little Strength

Normar Garciaparra Nomar Gerald Vine Bower - Nomar is just his dad's name backwards and it's still weirder than the rest of his name

Alfonso Soriano Noble From Soria - He's not from Soria!  Nor is he noble!  The nerve!

Alvaro Espinosa Guard of Espinosa - Indians fans remember how well he guarded shortstop

Felix Fermin Felix Strong - Thanks Seattle for the greatest defensive shortstop ever!  You can have this strong guy in return!

Asdrubal Cabrera Hasdrubal Place of the Wild Animals - Too much going on here in the next two names.  I suppose we could shorten this to Hasdrubal Animal Sanctuary?

Anibal Sanchez Hannibal Saintly - Hannibal was not exactly saintly, but Hasdrubal was the General's brother.

Rey Sanchez King Saintly - A leader and a nice guy!

Rey Ordonez King Fortunate - A really lucky leader!

Magglio Ordonez Mallet Fortunate - A lucky hammer?

Armando Benitez Herman Benedict - I would fight a guy named "Herman Benedict" sight unseen.  However this Herman Benedict was a big nasty guy with a real nasty fastball

Bartolo Colon Bart Dove - Nothing graceful and bird-like about this hips, Bart!

Roberto Clemente Robert Clemens - Makes me feel like one of the best guys in the history of sport just had his name sullied

Jose Cruz Jr. Joe Cross Jr. - Sounds like a detective, no?  Billy Zane is, Joe Cross, Jr!  NBC this fall!

Ben Francisco Ben Francis - Simple and Ben isn't even Latino as far as I know...

That is it for this edition of Los Galaticos de "Pipino" Cuevas but if you have more names to submit, email them or leave them on the comment section!

- Gift of God Gauge